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This is going to be more complicated than I thought
By Lawrence | April 7, 2008
from the AP :
France’s former sports minister, Jean-Francois Lamour, stressed that though the torch was extinguished along the route, the Olympic flame itself still burned in a lantern where it is kept overnight and on airplane flights. A Chinese official said that flame was used to re-light the torch each time it was brought aboard the bus.
Whoa! Hey hold up now! That is cheating! So let me get this straight: it is NOT the handheld torch conveyed through busy city streets and (traditionally) cheering crowds that is the undying symbol of Olympic glory. No, the handheld is just an auxiliary symbol, a mass produced thing, free to be snuffed, relit and snuffed out again. Like a vampire served up a garlic flavored soy-burger in a lame attempt to kill it, it is just going to keep coming back. Clearly, what is needed in this case is to get close to the ORIGINAL VAMPIRE.
The original vampire is the master, the sire, the one whose act of wanton bloodlust gives all subsequent vampires the gift of the night. In this case, the OV is an itsy bitsy flame in a candy ass lantern aboard a bus closely trailing the torch procession.
In order to cancel the Olympics like I said in my last post, it turns out that we will need to actually board that bus and extinguish the LANTERN. The torch itself just won’t do. In fact, torch route officials were themselves smugly blowing it out in order to preempt a successful act of protest, then retreating to the bus secure in the knowledge that the real flame was safe in a little glowing glass and wire enclosure. Which, of course, is itself ensconced in a metal and glass protective shell casing known colloquially as a bus.
So the blanket idea is a no go- it is just going to get some poor souls arrested, imprisoned and branded as terrorists for nothing. Instead, what we really need is some kamikaze lunatic with thick bones and skull and powerful leaping abilities, who can generate enough upward and sideways force to smash through the bus glass and annihilate the lantern before anyone can stop him (or her. or IT!).
To pull off this maneuver, it might help if our volunteer mutant has a distraction. Maybe some of the protesters can continue acting as if they really believe the handheld torch is the genuine article, and can occupy security forces with their catcalls and fire extinguishers. Then, a group of Asiatic protestors who appear to be sympathetic to the Chinese cause can make their way nonchalantly to the bus. To pay homage to the real flame, perhaps. But in their midst, our mutant will lie in wait! And as soon as he/she/it senses the opportunity, whammo! Say sayanaro to the flame, baby! Those javelins will have to wait till 2012!
Now that the real secret of the flame is out, I expect the Chinese to use any and all methods to protect it. So it would also be strategically viable to have a backup mutant. Telekinesis is not out of the question; a spoon-bending Neo could simply levitate the lantern and smash it to bits on the walls of the bus. Or more subtly, just produce a cool, soothing breeze directly adjacent to the flame.
I am a strong proponent of the mutant line of attack because it is essentially non-violent and will not cost any human life. The Dalai Lama would want it that way. It might be possible to simply take control of the bus and drive it off a bridge and into the forceful currents of a river, but that would violate the Buddhist Precepts.
Topics: Politics |